To be honest, I don’t massively want to reveal much about myself for fear of someone I know finding me online. This is the same reason I don’t want to actively post on Instagram and TikTok. One day when my dream of living free from the shackles of capitalism comes true I very well may share more details. This actually may be harder than I think as I so badly want to tell you every detail of the situation I am annoyed about in the moment. I am also terrified about the idea of everything that is posted online being permanent so I hope I don’t offend anyone or say anything that may be held against me.

With my fears out of the way, this of this blog as my journal. In my head she’s a cutesy little thing with a burgundy leather cover, various notebooks inside of all different lines and grids, lots of dangly things hanging off the adjustable string and most importantly – none of it has any cohesiveness. The first page is a full journal entry with the neatest handwriting you have ever seen but if you flick just 10 pages forward it’s one word: ‘monism’ and on the page beside is a list of items that are almost finished from the kitchen cupboard. Flick a couple more and it’s a question: “why is leaving the country the answer to my happiness?”.

Answering an about me question when I don’t massively want to reveal the personal things about myself but also am constantly in the middle of a multitude of different mental breakdowns and a personality crisis is tricky. I don’t think I know myself that well. I once asked my friend to describe me and they said “quirky”. I immediately refuted this adjective and made my personality unbelievably dull for the next two months. Even my Myers-Briggs test changes every time I do the quiz. Maybe my prefrontal cortex is just not fully developed or maybe I’m insane. I guess they say you can figure yourself out by journaling, right?

So, my theory is that, after I graduated Uni I went straight from job to job and didn’t have the chance to have a proper post-Uni breakdown, like all the normal people do. My best-friend warned me about this and I anticipated it so hard, but it never came. Actually, that’s a lie I had a mental breakdown in my first job after Uni which was all about feeling like a cog in the machine and not enjoying what I am doing. Now I’m in my second job after Uni and this is mental breakdown number 2!

Now, my argument has a fallacy which is that I have come across as someone who critiques the Capitalist system however I also do believe that money is important, and I unfortunately wish that I had more of it. My view could also be a symptom of living in the system. If more goods and services were free then perhaps I wouldn’t see money as something I needed to strive towards. However, it doesn’t seem like a revolution is likely anytime soon so I choose to adopt the “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality in this situation. This means that my aim is to find a thing (I don’t want to call it a career) that I will thoroughly enjoy and that will also enable me to earn enough money to make a living.